Day 8 in the Big Sister House
(renamed following objections from Buddleia)
The producers apologise for the lack of a Day 7 update. Led by a vision in landgirl chic, the housemates spent several hours weeding the garden, pioneering a new, self-sufficient paradise. Unfortunately, sacrifices for this utopian vision had to be made (as in all revolutions), and Naomi will henceforth bear the weight of upwards of 10 snail executions on her conscience.
As Mao said, ‘You can’t make an omelette without breaking a few eggs’. This aphorism, incidentally, also applies to Day 5’s Omelette-gate.
Day 8 was less violent in nature, though maybe the morning’s withdrawn atmosphere was a comedown following the adrenaline rush of the snail massacre. It may also have been due to the housemates’ growing, bleak acknowledgment that even after their time in self-isolation ends, the only change in lifestyle will be in going out to buy loo roll once a day.
In a landmark moment, Buddleia, Naomi and Jodie left the house for the first time for a walk (crossing roads to maintain social distance). Even with these precautions, they garnered many dirty looks and even a head shake; proof of the world’s anti progressive attitudes to non-familial households/all female thruples. Heroically, the thruple took it upon themselves to educate the common man, including the park ranger who was not up to speed in his knowledge of social distancing regulations. Because of their valiant advocacy, one more man knows that members of a household do not need to stand 6 metres away from each other when out. For as Jodie (somewhat facetiously) pointed out, that’s bigger than our house.
Mia attempted a walk later in the day. 5 minutes into the walk a man started following her down the street (though at regulation distance). 10 minutes into the walk a man from a van (at regulation distance) started making oddly feline calls towards her. A global pandemic doesn’t bring the best out in everyone it seems. Though they did maintain regulation distance.
In more positive news, Jodie mastered her chapati-flatbread hybrid after 3 attempts, declaring it ‘revolutionary’ (though not as revolutionary as certain acts that transpired in the garden).